A Pain In The Ass
by badly-knitted
Summary: A simple assignment proves to be a pain in the ass for Dee. Written for the prompt: 'FAKE, Dee Laytner. Shot in the ass! He'll never live it down,' at fic promptly. Set after the manga.


**Title:** A Pain In The Ass

 **Author:** badly-knitted

 **Characters:** Dee, Ryo

 **Rating:** PG

 **Setting:** After the manga.

 **Summary:** A simple assignment proves to be a pain in the ass for Dee.

 **Word Count:** 621

 **Written For:** My own prompt: 'FAKE, Dee Laytner. Shot in the ass! He'll never live it down,' at fic_promptly.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own FAKE, or the characters. They belong to the wonderful Sanami Matoh.

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OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

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Dee wasn't even entirely sure how it had happened. They'd been escorting a witness from her home when the shooting had started. Ryo had immediately returned fire while Dee dragged the woman to cover, shielding her, bullets flying and kicking up chips of concrete and brick from the sidewalk and nearby walls. He'd felt a few fragments clip him, a couple really stung, but he got their witness into the back seat of the car, piling in practically on top of her, as Ryo leapt into the driver's side and gunned the engine, pulling away fast even as he called for backup.

Someone seriously didn't want this woman to testify.

"Everyone okay back there?" Ryo's eyes flicked briefly to the rear-view mirror.

"Yes, thank you," the witness, one Michelle Groves, replied.

"Dee?"

"Got nicked by a few brick fragments I think. Guess I shouldn't have said that protection detail was a pain in the ass," Dee joked, trying to sit up and yelping at the sudden, burning pain. He reached back with one hand and drew it back, wet with blood. "Uh, Ryo? Don't wanna panic you or anything, but there's a chance I may have been shot."

"Shit! How bad?"

"Hard to say, probably just a graze, but I can't see back there."

"Where are you hit?"

"My ass," Dee mumbled.

"What? I didn't hear that."

"I've been shot in the ass!" Dee's cheeks darkened with embarrassment. "I'm never gonna live this down, am I?"

Ryo was caught somewhere between concern and amusement. "Probably not, no. You need to apply pressure to the wound. We'll be at the courthouse in a few minutes, Ted and Drake will be waiting to take Miss Groves in to testify, and then we'll head straight to the ER. Hang in there."

Dee shuffled around a bit, managing to get his shirt off, then folding it under his left buttock and sitting on it. It hurt like a sonofabitch, but it was the easiest way to apply pressure. Michelle Groves sat pale and worried, watching him.

"Is there anything I can do?" she asked tentatively.

"Not really." Dee's voice was tight with pain. "This is embarrassing enough already. Besides, we're almost there."

"Just get ready to go with the other detectives as soon as we pull up," Ryo added, "the sooner you're safely inside the courthouse, the better." He spun the wheel, headed directly towards the courthouse steps.

Dee gritted his teeth as the car mounted the sidewalk, Ryo intent on getting as close as possible to where their colleagues were waiting. "Ow! Damnit, Ryo, go easy!"

"Sorry." Ryo sounded contrite.

"'S okay, bud."

Ryo pulled the car to a screeching halt at the bottom of the steps, Drake pulling the door open almost before they'd completely stopped.

The handover went smoothly, Ryo waited only long enough to see their charge disappear through the courthouse doors, then gunned the engine, siren blaring, and headed for the nearest hospital.

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OoOoOoO

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Dee lay on the treatment bed, a doctor swabbing the wound in his rear. "Tell me the truth, how does it look?" he asked Ryo, who was watching from the other side.

"Painful. It's not deep though."

"You'll need a few stitches," the doctor said, "and sitting down is going to be uncomfortable for a while, but there shouldn't be any lasting damage."

"Will it scar?"

"I'll do my best to minimise scarring, but there'll probably be a mark. It should fade over time; I'll prescribe some cream to use when the stitches have been removed."

"My perfect bod, marred for life," Dee mumbled disconsolately, glaring at Ryo who was trying not to laugh. He'd been right. Protection detail was the biggest pain in the ass ever.

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The End


End file.
